No birthday card from Joe
It's Anna's birthday today and it's the 1st one since Joe died. Today is not an easy day. No day goes by that we don't think about Joe, mourn for him, feel his absence and wish him still with us, but today has particular poignancy because it's a special occasion and because of how we always celebrate special occasions in our family.
It's a tradition that on every family occasion we always try to spend the evening together. We don't do anything riotous or expensive we just order a takeaway and eat together. It gets very cramped in our small kitchen or living room but that adds to the fun. We catch up, we laugh, we take photographs - I usually annoy everyone by doing too many close-ups - we have a cake and the obligatory 'happy birthday/anniversary song/speech and we raise a glass to those who cannot be with us. This year we will be raising a glass to Steve, Mally and to Joe and that feels very hard for all of us. Raising a glass to Steve and Mally is hard enough; but to have to do this for someone so young is heartbreaking. He should be with us, he shouldn't be dead and it's still so hard to accept for all of us. But for Anna to be without him on her birthday is excruciating
Since he was a toddler he has been sending birthday cards to his mum. Those precious, almost undecipherable, scrawls are still safely stashed away with all the other paintings, weird pottery offerings, Mother's day cards, Christmas cards etc. etc. that we parents keep to remind us of those magical days when we could tuck them into bed at night, promise them they would be safe - and we could keep that promise. Then, as they get older, they resort to hurriedly bought cards that are slid quickly onto the mantle piece in a slightly embarrassed fashion; albeit with some pride that they have done something. And they still look at you hoping that you like it and that they haven't disappointed.
Now of course, the birthday card she wants more than any other will be missing today; there will be no more birthday cards from Joe and just the thought of that breaks my heart. I am reminded of that scene in one of the Superman films, I forget which one, where Lois Lane falls down a fissure caused by an earthquake and dies. Superman, of course, can turn the world backwards and does so and brings her back to life. I want to do that for Anna, I obviously want to do that for all of us, but today, so very much for Anna, I wish I could turn the world backwards.
It's a tradition that on every family occasion we always try to spend the evening together. We don't do anything riotous or expensive we just order a takeaway and eat together. It gets very cramped in our small kitchen or living room but that adds to the fun. We catch up, we laugh, we take photographs - I usually annoy everyone by doing too many close-ups - we have a cake and the obligatory 'happy birthday/anniversary song/speech and we raise a glass to those who cannot be with us. This year we will be raising a glass to Steve, Mally and to Joe and that feels very hard for all of us. Raising a glass to Steve and Mally is hard enough; but to have to do this for someone so young is heartbreaking. He should be with us, he shouldn't be dead and it's still so hard to accept for all of us. But for Anna to be without him on her birthday is excruciating
Since he was a toddler he has been sending birthday cards to his mum. Those precious, almost undecipherable, scrawls are still safely stashed away with all the other paintings, weird pottery offerings, Mother's day cards, Christmas cards etc. etc. that we parents keep to remind us of those magical days when we could tuck them into bed at night, promise them they would be safe - and we could keep that promise. Then, as they get older, they resort to hurriedly bought cards that are slid quickly onto the mantle piece in a slightly embarrassed fashion; albeit with some pride that they have done something. And they still look at you hoping that you like it and that they haven't disappointed.
Now of course, the birthday card she wants more than any other will be missing today; there will be no more birthday cards from Joe and just the thought of that breaks my heart. I am reminded of that scene in one of the Superman films, I forget which one, where Lois Lane falls down a fissure caused by an earthquake and dies. Superman, of course, can turn the world backwards and does so and brings her back to life. I want to do that for Anna, I obviously want to do that for all of us, but today, so very much for Anna, I wish I could turn the world backwards.
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