Christmas thoughts


I remember writing this a couple of years ago and it's still relevant so I just thought I would share it again.

Christmas always seems to sharpen the sense of loss when you are mourning people who have died; probably because of the emphasis on family. For us it's often been a difficult time because all three of the people we lost in the last few years have birthdays at this time.  Mally and Steve on the 2nd and 4th respectively and the 22nd is Joe's. Tomorrow would have been Joe's 21st so we are feeling sad tonight. We shed a few tears and talked about his death and how much we miss him. We also talked about some of the good times and smiled about the laughter that is so often present in our family. We have recently moved and it feels really odd that Joe has never known this house and neither has Steve or Mally. Being sad tonight though is good. It feels like a kinder  and much gentler emotion than the raw grief that punctuated our lives for so long. It feels like an emotion that we can cope with.

Talking tonight we both acknowledge that the sadness is a marker that we have reached acceptance.   And it's acceptance that enables us to feel happiness as well as sadness.

On Christmas Day we will feel the loss of Mally, Steve and Joe and we will always wish they were still with us.  But this year we are looking forward to Christmas. We are looking forward to seeing the rest of the kids and having a noisy and fun Christmas dinner.  We will, as always, raise a glass to Mally, Steve and Joe,  but we will also raise a smile.

I hope you and yours have a fabulous Christmas and a happy and healthy new year. Enjoy your family, they are so very precious.

Today, 2 more years on, it feels the same; a sadness that bubbles beneath the surface. We had the opportunity today to wander along the sand at the North Bay and think about Joe. It was one of his favourite places, and it's still one of ours. We talked about how lucky we feel. Despite the losses we have faced we have a very close loving family and in terms of material things we rarely want for much. Not everyone is so fortunate so here's hoping that 2018 brings some comfort to those who are not.

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